Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize