I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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