so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
