i was born a porn star she said
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
