I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
