you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
