party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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