i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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