well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
