I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
