I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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