It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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