I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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