cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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