i permit you to call me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We are all done wearing pants today
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
