look no pants
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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