So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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