Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
