I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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