you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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