and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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