Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize