It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
