Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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