Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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