Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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