i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
