dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
