Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
