I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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