He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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