Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm passing your future prison.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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