Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
