Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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