Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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