Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
