1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
