I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
