I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
