go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
