I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
