I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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