Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
