I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
