so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
