Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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