We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
