It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
