So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
