Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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