Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
