You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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