a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
