he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
