How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
