I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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