Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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