I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize