I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
