Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
