And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
