Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
