mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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