Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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